Alexander Izaak Gabriel

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

He's only a few days old.


Alex with Mama. Safe in the arms of love.


Proud Papa. I can't believe my brother's a daddy!


Awww. He's asleep.


Babies are so cute in their onezees.

Auntie Tiana

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I am officially an Aunt!
My nephew, Alexander Izaak Gabriel, was born at 2:08pm yesterday (February 22).
My brother, the proud Papa, informs me that he has a nose like my younger brother and a face like his Mama. He also has lots of hair.
I can't wait until I get to see a picture of him.
I'm so excited I don't know how to respond.
Am I gonna be a good Aunt?
What does that mean to be an Aunt?
Will Alex love me the way I love my Aunts and Uncle?
(I love his name by the way.)
When will I get to see my nephew?...Hmmm...he's in Florida, I'm in Ohio.
I'm going to New Zealand for a year.
Sob! I won't get to see Alex in person until he's over a year old.
I guess I'll just have to talk to him on the phone, and he can wonder about the strange voice he hears through the talking machine until I show up on his doorstep. (When that happens, I hope he doesn't mistake me for a telephone. Ha ha.)
One thing I do know is that I can pray for him.
This may sound kind of weird but shortly after I learned of Alex's birth I prayed for him during my quiet time with the Lord. I prayed first for his salvation. That he would one day make the decision to accept Jesus as his Savior. Then I prayed that not only would he be saved, but that he would be a growing Christian. A true disciple of Christ, seeking to be obedient to God's Word, and used by God to share His love and truth to the world.
Maybe it's a little early to have such lofty prayers for Alex, but then again, maybe not. May the Lord remember my prayer and answer it in His timing and in His way.

After God's Own Heart

Acts 13:22 - And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’

David was a man after God's own heart.

I've been pondering that today. What does it mean to be a man (or woman) after God's own heart?

David was not a perfect man. He lusted after a woman, committed adultery, arranged a murder, and lied to God. And yet...God called him a man after His own heart.

So what does that mean?

I have some ideas but I'd love to hear yours.

Looking Deeper

Why does the overwhelming lesson from God have to be trust?
And by trust I mean patience, peace, following without seeing the end destination, perseverance through trial, and loving the Lord and others despite yourself.
It seems like everything we go through to make us more Christ-like (good or bad) all boils down to trust.

Do I trust the Lord?

Yes.

Do I still want to take the reins in my life?

Yes.

Hmm. Sounds contradictory.

Why am I mentioning this?
Well, the Lord asks me to love all people. He asks me to love my neighbor like I love myself. O.K., what does that look like? I treat myself the best out of anybody I know. I feed myself when I am hungry. I sleep when I am tired. I find something to amuse myself when I am bored. When I am cold I try to get warm. When I am hot I try to get cool. Daily decisions are made as to how to best take care of me. I don't mean this in a selfish way. These are the basics that we all do for ourselves. It's part of being human. I desire to be more like Christ so I do things to see that I am growing and maturing as a Christian. At every moment of every day I am doing something as an act of love for myself. Even denying my selfish impulses to serve others is a form of love for myself because in doing so I become a better person. Now here's the deeper part. I still love myself despite my many faults. I know the depth of evil that is inside me. I am aware of the various wrong thoughts or desires within me. There are things about myself that irk me but can't be changed. There are times when I am really annoyed or frustrate with myself. Yet, despite my knowledge of all these things I still love myself.

Uh oh. Taking what I've just described and applying that to loving others I realize something really difficult. I've got to love people despite their good traits and their bad traits. I have to treat them like they are very important and with the best possible intentions in mind because that's how I show love for myself. I have to love them unconditionally, even if they irk, annoy, or anger me, because this is how I love myself. If they are hunger I should feed them. If they are naked I should clothe them. I should weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. I should show them the Lord and encourage them in their growth to be more Christ-like. These are all ways that I love myself. These are all ways that I should love others.

I am everyday placed in situations that require me to love my neighbors. God wants to me to love my neighbors as myself, because when I do, I show my love for Him. This goes back to trust. Do I trust that the Lord places me in the paths of these people and in the situations with these people because He loves me and wants me to show them love in return?

Yes.

This is my reminder and encouragement to love.

Tetelestai

It's starting. In a few days I will be once again traveling all over the state of Ohio (and a little of Virginia) to perform the passion play Tetelestai. I'm so excited! This play has touched so many lives, and the Lord has displayed His power over and over again through the performance of this musical.

I know one life in particular that God has touched in a special way through this musical: Mine. I first saw Tetelestai when I was a junior in High School. I was not a Christian at this point, but had been going to church for a few years with my Mom. My heart was not hardened to the Gospel message, I just thought that since I was a good person I didn't really need a "Savior". Salvation did not seem like as strong a life or death matter to me. Getting good grades, being liked by my peers, and surviving High School was more important to me. A friend from church invited my Mom and I to see Tetelestai. I loved theater so I jumped at the chance to see a free performance of the story I had read in the Bible. The performance hit me in a way I had never been hit before. It's one thing to read about the crucifixion of Jesus - it's another thing to see it acted out in front of you. The anger of the crowd, the calmness of Jesus, and the cruelty of the Roman soldiers all touched me in different ways. I couldn't help but cry at what I saw. I'd like to say that that night I made a decision for Christ, but it took me four more months before I shook off the choking thorns of the world and surrendered my life to Christ. But the images from Tetelestai where in my mind adding to my decision.

So, today, I am now performing in the musical that affected me so many years ago. My prayer is that the Lord will use me and use this ministry to bring people to Him. I pray that the audience will look past the acting, past the singing, past the smoke and lights, and see clearly the message the Lord is speaking directly to them. That's what Tetelestai is all about. We don't do this to give 2 1/2 hours of amusement and entertainment to people. We do this to see lives changed through the good news about Jesus Christ. Hallelujah!

Lots To Do

Sometimes being a procrastinator really stinks!

I am almost 2 1/2 months away from heading to New Zealand and there is still lots to do. My sister and I sat down weeks ago and made a game plan of what needed to be done week to week and we have barely followed our plan. Wait. I'm wrong. We've partly followed our plan. At the beginning of January we had to get another copy of our Birth Certificates so that we would have one in NZ and one in the USA. We looked up what we needed to do online and when we found out that we didn't have to go to City Hall but could request one in the mail we thought, "Sweet. We'll do that." Hasn't happened yet. We looked up travelers insurance. Found a good one at a good price, but we have yet to set a date for when we are going to purchase it. We wrote a packing list of what we need to bring. Have I looked at or added to that list since weeks ago? Nope. Right now, I'm not quite sure where it even is. Now it's February and we need to start looking at apartment and job hunting in NZ. Cara's been looking at apartments, I'm supposed to look at how to apply for jobs online. Um, haven't started that yet. And there's still so much more to do.

Part of the problem is that I'm a procrastinator and a perfectionist. This creates a ton of problems. Because I want everything to be perfectly planned for New Zealand I easily get overwhelmed with the amount that needs to be done. Now, it's ridiculous to think everything will be perfectly planned. Where's the trust and help from the Lord if I try to plan everything with the hopes that everything will go completely perfect? So then my mind says, "Yup. Things won't possibly be exactly perfect so you might as well not start." Add that to a tendency to not even be motivated to start until I'm actually under pressure to finish at the last instant (procrastination), and you get disaster.

It's only by the grace of God that I will overcome my perfectionist/procrastinator attitude and do what needs to be done. And only by His mercy will He bless me despite my failure to do some of those things.

Random

I don't normally like to do those blog and email surveys that everyone does, but I love to read them. You can learn a lot about a person through them. I stumbled across one, however, that is very random and that contains just the right type of questions that I thought would help anyone reading this blog learn more about me. Enjoy.

1. How old will you be in five years? 31, Yikes!
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? The whole staff of Cedar Hill Baptist Church. Well, actually they were in the building, but I have the office to myself. So No one I guess.
3. How tall are you? 5’4”
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Performing Tetelestai at various churches all over Ohio (and Virginia).
5. What's the last movie you saw? In theaters: The Pursuit of Happyness. At Home: Remember the Titans (I love that movie!!)
6. Who was the last person you called? Um…I work as a church secretary so…Berean Christian Bookstore
7. Who was the last person to call you? Once again…I work as a church secretary so…the Senior Pastor’s wife
8. What was the last text message you received and who sent it? Cingular, letting me know how much money I used ($0.00) to talk on my prepaid cellphone.
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? My sister Cara.
10. Do you prefer to call or text? Definitely call. I don’t really see a point in text messaging. That’s what computers are for. I’d rather speak to the person in person.
11. What were you doing at 10pm last night? Grocery shopping. I’m a night owl and there are fewer people in the store late at night.
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Divorced
13. When is the last time you saw your mom? 2 Hours ago
14. What color are your eyes? Dark brown
15. What time did you wake up today? Do you mean what time did I push the snooze button or what time did I actually get out of be? My alarm was set for 7:30am. I got out of bed at 8:15am.
16. What are you wearing right now? Red sweater and jeans
17. What is your favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
18. Where is your favorite place to be? Asleep in bed. I don’t get to be there often.
19. Where is your least favorite place to be? At work.
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? New Zealand - right away! Of course, there are a couple of somebody’s I would love to visit in Orlando right now too.
21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? Please Lord, anywhere but Cleveland!
22. Do you tan or burn? I tan, but not that deeply. I don’t burn.
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? I didn’t really have any darkness fears. I guess that’s why I didn’t mind reading so many Stephen King novels and other scary stories as a child. I did once convince my sister that there was a werewolf under her bed. Fun Times!
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Amazingly my Mom told a joke the other day that was actually funny.
25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2. All used for the purpose of watching movies, not actual television.
26. How big is your bed? Twin size
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Desktop, but I don’t really own it.
28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Kind of personal question. With clothes on. It’s always fun to change into another outfit just to go to bed.
29. What color are your sheets? Varies depending on what’s clean. At the moment blue, with three comforters on top. (It’s cold in Ohio)
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.
31. What is your favorite season? Spring. It signals the beginning of at least 6 months of warmth. I also love the beautiful plants that bring vivid color to the world after a gray and dreary winter.
32. What do you like about fall? The beautiful colors of the leaves on the trees.
33. What do you like about winter? Snow – a bright white, sparkly cold version of sand.
34. What do you like about the summer? Not having to wear a jacket
35. What do you like about spring? See answer to question #31
36. How many states have you lived in? One (but I also “lived” in South Africa for 6 weeks)
37. What cities/towns have you lived in? Cleveland & Granville
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Bare Feet, inside and on grass. On the yucky city sidewalks I prefer sandels.
39. Are you a social person? Yes, but I can only take so much of people. I need personal time too.
40. What was the last thing you ate? Zesty Italian Chicken and sweet potatoes
41. What is your favorite restaurant? Anything Italian – so for now, Olive Garden
42. What is your favorite ice cream? Butter Pecan
43. What is your favorite dessert? Ice Cream
44. What is your favorite kind of soup? Chili
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? I don’t like PB&J sandwiches. But I do like strawberry jelly.
46 is missing so...here's a random bit of information: I'm currently rehearsing for a gospel musical that starts performances Feb. 16 and goes through Good Friday.
47. Do you like coffee? Nope, it tastes like burnt beans in hot water to me.
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? When I’m in a play about 6 glasses a day. When I’m not in a play – 2 glasses.
49. What do you drink in the morning? Water or hot chocolate
50. Do you have a crush? Yup.
51. Do they know? Yup. I’m dating him.
52. Do you know how to play poker? Nope. I can barely remember the rules to normal card games like Hearts and Solitare. Card games are not my strong point.
53. Do you like to cuddle? I don’t know. I’ve never done it.
54. Have you ever been to Canada? Yup. Saw Phantom of the Opera with my Middle School
55. Do you have an addictive personality? What does that mean? I get easily addicted to things or people easily get addicted to me? What?...Huh?
56. Do you eat out or at home more often? At home more often. I love to cook.
57 is missing so…here’s a random bit of information: I love watching cartoons like the Avatar, Rugrats, Anamaniacs, NyuYasha. I don’t think a person can ever get too old to enjoy cartoons. I can’t wait until I have kids and can watch them without getting strange looks…
58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yup. We were good friends all through High School and even were in plays together. But we went our separate ways once we went to college.
59. Do you want kids? Definitely! Probably no more than 6.
60. Do you speak any other languages? No. I barely remember Spanish from college.
61. Have you ever gotten stitches? Nope. I’ve never broken any bones either.
62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Nope.
63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? Pool. Oceans are dirty and have fish in them. I do like sand though. Can it be a pool with sand around it?
64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats? Window.
65 is missing so…here’s a random bit of information: I am an Aunt for the first time. My nephew, Alex, is expected to be born in a month and a half. He’s one of the reasons why I wish I could go to Orlando.
66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? Someone I love
67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? No. I have a lot of jewelry but I forget to wear it often.
68. When did you last speak to your crush? 5 days ago.
69. Can you roll your tongue? Yup.
70. Who is the funniest person you know? My brother Kenan.
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes. My Care Bear that I got when I was 5yrs old.
72. What is the ring tone on your phone? A rock version of an orchestral Tocatta. Came with the phone.
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? I have a T-shirt from summer orchestra camp that I had all of the campers sign.
74 is missing so…here’s a random bit of information: I’m going to live in New Zealand for a year. Not for missions work, not for school, just to do it. There’s no purpose behind this trip other than that my sister and I wanted to travel while we were still young and free. God just confirmed our hearts desire.
75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? Yup. Ever since someone brought to my attention how much fresh water Americans waste.
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Varies from night to night.
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Bees. I might actually survive.
78. Do you flirt a lot? No. I don’t really know how to flirt. Though I fear that sometimes my friendliness to guys is taken as though I were flirting.
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Honey Mustard.
80. What is your favorite food? Pizza
81. Do you know how to change oil in a car? No.
82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No.
83. Have you ever run out of gas? No.
84. What is your usual bedtime? Midnight.
85. What was the last book you read? Well, considering I tend to read more than one book at once: I just finished “The Secret Garden” yesterday, I just started “The Sacred Romance” a few days ago, I’m also reading a biography of Jim Elliot and “Culture Smart New Zealand.”
86. Do you read the newspaper? No, but sometimes my pastor gives me interesting articles to read from his paper.
87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope.
88 is missing so…here’s a random bit of information: I’m very picky about the movies I watch. I actually do look at the ratings and the reason for the rating on movies. Being in the entertainment world I know that there are more motives behind why things are included or not included in a movie than just entertainment value. I’ve turned off a movie on more than one occasion if I thought it wasn’t worth my time and effort to finish it. I haven’t yet walked out of a theater, but I’m willing to do that to. Call me overly cautious, I don’t care. I want to protect my mind and my heart from inappropriate things.
89. Do you watch soap operas? Nope.
90. Do you dance in the car? Yup. I love upbeat music.
91. What radio station did you last listen to? Moody Christian Radio.
92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you? There’s no picture near me.
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? Are you kidding me? I’m a secretary for my church. I scribble tons of notes. The latest one I wrote was “Call Honeywell about fire alarm.”
94. What is your favorite candle scent? Cranberry Orange
95. What is your favorite board game? Clue
96 is missing so…here’s a random bit of information: I Love the Lord Jesus Christ!
97. When was the last time you attended church? Umm…I work at my church so when was the last time I did not attend church? Saturday.
98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Dr. Mayor, my Orchestra teacher.
99. What’s the longest you have camped in a tent for? Never. I’ve never been camping. I’m a city girl.
100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you? My dad’s wife Tracy – she spent twelve hours braiding my hair for free!

A Little of What's To Come

So I just remembered that I have Gabcast and can talk about whatever.

I've decided to devote this blog to sharing some interesting things I've been learning about New Zealand and New Zealanders from a Culture Smart book. I'm loving the things I'm learning. Of course, any culture book is a generalizationof the society, so I'm sure things aren't going to be exactly the way they describe it. Still, it's good to know some basics before I head there.

Gabcast! Goodbye P&B #2

Check List #1

Hi.

Whoever you are reading this.

Isn't it kind of freaky to be reading a blog (like this blog for instance) and it's speaking directly to you?

It feels kind of like Big Brother is watching doesn't it?

Maybe I can see you through your computer screen. Maybe I'm watching you make that silly expression as you continue reading this. O.K. Laugh. Roll your eyes. Shake your head. I'm still here.

Anyway.... I didn't mean to write all this in my blog, but now you can tell what kind of mood I'm in at the moment I write this. I'm probably not in this mood right now, as in this exact moment in time that you're reading this. But hey, if you're really curious about if I am or not, just give me a call, right now. Ha! I knew you wouldn't. (Don't you love my reverse pyschology attempt at getting people to call me?)

O.K.! O.K.! I'll be serious now...somewhat.

So I made a list. Of what praytell? Of things that need to be done, bought, or packed before I head to New Zealand. I guess you can kind of call it a list and a schedule. I have a time frame of when things need to be done. Last weekend my sister and I looked at Traveler's Insurance. It was a little more difficult than I thought it would be. Not because of the insurance language but because we kept finding insurance that covered a person up to a year only if they were British. Hmm. We did finally find something that looks like a possible good insurance and at a good price. Lord, guide us in this process.

I also made a packing list for NZ. It doesn't seem that long. I wonder what I'm missing? Well, I have a few months still to add (or subtract) from the list. As it is. We'll get to NZ and have to sit, sleep, and eat on the floor until we get furniture. Maybe I should consider bringing a sleeping bag? Nah, takes up too much suitcase space! We Americans do have too much "stuff" we think we need to be happy (or even comfortable). We'll see how the Lord challenges me on that one once I move away.

So, what's in store for this weekend?
Reading up on the tax law for Americans who are out of the country for a year. What fun!!! Uggg.
Only three months and 1 week left to go.

The Holy Spirit & the Word of God

"Take the Helmet of Salvation and the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." ~ Ephesians 6:17

The Holy Spirit.

Did you know that the Holy Spirit works in conjunction with the Word of God? Did you know that the Spirit's weapon in helping us resist the schemes of the devil is the Word of God? It's the only part of the armor of God that is not defensive. No wonder Jesus quoted scripture when he was tempted by the devil in the desert.

So what does this mean for us?
You can't have the Word of God but no Holy Spirit and resist completely the devil's schemes. And, you can't have the Holy Spirit, but no Word of God and resist completely the devil's schemes. Let me explain. If you have the Word of God but you don't have the Spirit living in you, you can't truly understand God's Word. "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned." (1 Corinthians 2:14) Yeah, the things of the Bible look like foolishness because you can't understand it. The Christian who has the Holy Spirit - and is therefore capable of understanding the Word of God - but doesn't even read the Word of God has trouble hearing the Spirit clearly. They've cancelled out one of the Spirit's main weapons against satan and one of the sources the Spirit uses to speak truth to them. Let's remember, it is possible to quench the Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 5:19)

Now before I go any further, I better talk about what can be included in the schemes of the devil: confusion, distorting God's Word, tempting, lying, accusing, creating a stumbling block, and deceiving. There's more, but can you see why it's so important to have the full power of the Holy Spirit to resist the devil. If we're not careful satan can really mess up our ability to discern the voice of God from his confusing and deceiving schemes.

The connection between the Holy Spirit and the Word of God is also an important thing to remember for Christians who want to believe only part of the Bible or don't think you can take it at its face value, and Christians who want to rely more on the leading of the Spirit than what the Bible says. If the Word of God is not ALL TRUE then there's no point in following it. How are you supposed to determine which parts are true and which aren't? The Holy Spirit can't be effective using a sword with dents and nics. That creates confusion, and God is not a God of confusion. But we know who is..... Also, to rely on the leading of the Spirit but not really care for the Spirit's weapon is a gross mistake. 1 John 4 tells us "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God." This implys that there are false spirits out there. Satan is a distorter of God's Word and a deceiver. Many false religions have come about because of false spirits: Islam, Mormonism. How do we test to see if they are from God? With the Word of God. What else do we have as a measuring rod of God's commands verses a false command? We can't trust our heart or "feelings" because "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jeremiah 17:9). Also, our heart needs God's Word to keep us from sinning "Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." (Psalm119:11) Utilize the Spirit's weapon, the Word of God, so you aren't lead astray (or just as bad, continue to stay a babe in Christ for your entire life as a Christian).

Use the full power of God. Allow the Holy Spirit AND the Word of God to work together.

Planes, Trains, and Taxi Cabs

All three modes of transportation are what I am going to use to travel in New Zealand. The first and most important being the AIRPLANE! And as of Friday, January 5th I now have a one-way ticket to this country full of so many possibilities. Yup, my sister and I actually bought our plane tickets. One-way. Of course we're planning on returning after a year, but then again, maybe not...

We fly out on Tuesday, May 1st, 2007. Oh, I wasn't joking when I said we were leaving at the "beginning" of May. That's only 3 months and 24 days away! (But who's counting?) And you know what? God once again revealed Himself in this situation. We always had in our mind that we would leave the very first day in May, but if there were better ticket prices on a day around that date we would go on the cheaper day. Well, when we searched for plane ticket prices a few days before and a few days after May 1st and even a week later, all of the prices were significantly higher (by a couple hundred dollars). The Lord allowed us to go on the exact date that we wanted to leave, and He made sure we got the cheapest price too. Cool.

It's kind of scary to see how much God wants us to go to New Zealand. His directions are clear and He arranges things to help us along the way. I can only wonder about His purpose in taking me to this country. He only reveals just enough to help me see that I'm still going in the right direction as I follow His leading. It's all part of the trusting process I guess. I can't wait to see what He reveals next!

Final Thoughts of the Year

It's almost 2007. So many possibilities. Some definites...

Never mind. No time to think about 2007. This blog is about 2006. It's my final blog of the year. I've decided to end 2006 with some random thoughts about my year. Are you ready to hear them? Alright. Here Goes!

* I love acting. I love professional theater and I'm terrified of it. I want to be a professional actress, but do I have the guts to pursue it? Community theater wasn't that scary once I did it. College theater definitely wasn't that scary once I did it. Maybe that's how professional theater will turn out. Maybe.

* I love my Mom and my sister. They have provided sanity in my life when I most needed it. Don't laugh Cara and Mom! It's true. Yes, we are a crazy family, but it's that craziness that's present even in the difficult times that brings joy and calm to me. I am convinced that I have the best possible travel buddy for New Zealand. There are going to be plenty of times Cara when we'll need a laugh to overcome the times of crying.

* So I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 yesterday while getting my hair braided. I still didn't really like it. The girl was the most annoying character. Anyway, this reminds me that of all the movies I've seen this year in the theaters, there were only about four that I thought were not a waste of my money or time. They were: Narnia, Pride & Prejudice, Lady in the Water, The Pursuit of Happyness

* Each day I feel myself getting more dissatisfied with my job. I'm starting to have a short temper with...EVERYONE! Will I every be able to stand working at a job for more than two years?

* I have one statement for American Christians: "If you're in it, be in it!" Following Christ is not a game. And it's definitely not like Calvinball where you make up whatever rules you like as you go along.

* Books are great. I saw a little too much television while spending 12 hours getting my hair braided. Books are great. They don't have commercials.

* At the beginning of the year I subconsciously told God I wanted to trust Him more (actually I said I wanted to have a deeper relationship with Him). Since that point He has steadily been increasing the circumstances that force me to trust Him. They are uncomfortable.

* Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope, hope does not disappoint!

* I AM NOT a perfect Christian. Just read my journal from this year and you'll see why. If I ever start to praise myself and stop praising God for the positive changes in me I just need to read my journal and I'll be humbled. Big Time! Jesus is the only one who can produce anything good in me.

* Random Gospel sharing: Did you know Jesus Christ died for you on the cross? He loves you too much to let you die for your sins. There's one catch though. You've gotta believe and accept His sacrifice.

* Thank you Lord for nature, sunsets, clouds, flowers, creation.

Um....I guess that's it for the year.

Happy Boxing Day!

Today is a very special day for most English speaking countries except for America. It's Boxing Day. I just found out the origin of this holiday. The holiday was originally a day when churches and wealthy people would give money to the poor or their servants that they collected in a box. The purpose of this day was to be aware of those less fortunate than you and to help them. When I read this I thought, "Wow! America really needs a holiday like this. Especially after all the commercialism that we celebrate at Christmas." I was really feeling good about Boxing Day. That is until I did some online research to see how it was being celebrated today.

Boxing Day today in countries like England, Ireland, Canada, New Zealand, & Australia looks kind of like this:

How to Celebrate Boxing Day
1) Attend a sporting event. In England, Boxing Day fox hunting is pretty popular. Or if that's not gruesome enough for you, you can go to Ireland and celebrate the age old tradition of Wren stoning. Kill a Wren bird, put it on a poll, and then go door to door singing and collecting money for charity. (Actually, they usually don't kill Wrens today, but they will put a fake bird on a poll to represent the dead Wrens of the past.)
2) Go Shopping. Yup. Boxing day is one of the biggest days in retail sales for places like Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. In fact, people sometimes line up as early as midnight outside stores to take advantage of the after Christmas sales.
3) Celebrate with friends. This is like a more relaxed Christmas. Sometimes people bring more gifts to share and open or they might just have a potluck get together.
4) Remember those who have provided service to you during the year or those in need. Larger tips, gift baskets, or bonuses should be given to people who serve you or work for you. Canned goods, clothing, or money should be given to charities or those in need.

While I like the fact that giving is still included in the holiday today. I'm sorely disappointed that commercialism is now also a big part of the holiday. I guess most Western countries are pretty much the same around the Christmas season. Bah Humbug!

Sick

I'm sick. (achoo) It's the day after Christmas and (cough) I'm sick. Actually, I've been (cough) sick for the past two days. Sorry, to those of you who came over for Christmas. If you find yourself with a sore throat and a stuffy nose in the next few days, you'll know why. Today, when I should have been at work, I was home sick. (ah..ah..achoo) Yay! I've always wanted to take a sick day but I rarely get sick enough to justify a day off. (cough, cough) I know that sounds kind of ridiculous but hey, there it is. I'm kind of concerned that I won't be able to work tomorrow. I might just (cough) have to go in for half a day anyway to get something done that must be done tomorrow. Isn't that horrible? We live in a world where sickness (ACHOOOO!!!) is not a good enough reason to abandon work. And the type of sickness determines the acceptable amount of time off. With chicken pox, the flu, or strep throat people say, "Please stay away until you are no longer contagious!" The common cold, however, now that's another story. If you sneeze or cough they say, "Just walk it off." "Pop a couple of cough drops and you should be fine." Even if you lose your voice you can still work. I talked to some worker at a retail store a couple weeks ago who had a very raspy voice due to a cold. Can I tell you, all I thought was, "You need to go home." and "Please don't breathe on me." Not good folks. So...I have a cold. (achoo..cough) I was wise to stay home today and not spread my germs to my co-workers. But tomorrow...
I'll probably be like most people and cough and sneeze my way through getting my job done. Sad but true. Be thankful you're not working with me.

Reflections: Christ is Born in a Manger?

So yesterday the Christmas program I wrote and directed for my church was performed. I can't begin to describe how the Lord worked in and through this program. Every emergency revealed His presence. In every mishap He was there. Every awesome thing that happened gave glory to Him. Each actor, child, parent, crew person, etc. involved was a testimony to the goodness of God. I am so grateful to the Lord for allowing me to go through the challenge, trial, and blessing of directing my church Christmas program this year. Had I known in advance the amount of work and stress this experience was going to be for me I probably wouldn't have chosen to do it. But God, in His goodness, knew exactly what was right for me. He had me do it, knowing the frustration that I would face, because He had a greater purpose that I can't begin to understand. I might never know until I reach heaven. Don't get me wrong, the program was amazing. And the process wasn't that bad. It just wasn't what I expected or "planned" when I first agreed to take on the project.

This makes me think about the birth of Jesus. The Jewish people knew He would one day come, but they never expected that He would come in the way He did. If we really think about the events surrounding the birth of Jesus, they make no sense.

God came as a baby. Why not just appear in the world as an adult and start the ministry from there? Why make a godly and pure woman go through the pain of child birth and the humiliation of being an unwed mother? I'm sure she told others she was a virgin but you know how people are - we love to gossip about scandals. And would they have had any reason to believe her? Up until this point virgin births were an impossibility. Also (ladies, you can relate to this), she was engaged to be married when God made her pregnant. She probably was looking forward to becoming a loving wife, and now she had to tell her husband-to-be that she was pregnant. Joseph was planning on breaking up with her before the angel spoke to him in a dream. How devastating would that have been for Mary? Yet, this is how God chose to come to earth.
Then, Jesus, the King of the Jews, the Mighty Ruler, The Holy One, was born.....in a stable. Why did God have Mary and Joseph travel to Bethlehem right when it was close to the time for Jesus to be born? What a difficult trip that must have been for both of them. Then when they actually reached Bethlehem, God did not provide a comfortable bed and room for them, but instead allowed all the rooms to be full in the Inn so that they had to go to a stable. What an uncomfortable and dirty place to have a baby in. So the savior of the world was born in a barn.
Then, to announce the good news of the Savior's birth God sent a whole crowd of angels to shepherds out in a field. Why didn't He send the angels to the whole town of Bethlehem? Why weren't there angels all over the place in Jerusalem also, letting the Jews know that Christ was here? Why tell some shepherds outside of town and then have the shepherds tell the townspeople of Jerusalem? What a strange way for God to celebrate the birth of His Son.
One more thing. Wisemen from far away in the east followed a star to go to see Jesus? How did they first see this star and realize it was a beacon from God and that it would lead them to the Savior? Why in the world would God bring people from that far away to see Jesus but not the wisemen from close by? And their communication with King Herod brought about the death of many infants in the town of Bethlehem. A joyous birth caused the death of many.

All the events surrounding the birth of Jesus don't make much sense in my mind. And yet they all testify to the goodness of God. After all, God did say, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8) When I reflect on Christmas and the birth of the Savior this is something I want to take away from all the Christmas programs, dinners, celebrations, and candlelight services. The life of Christ from birth to death to resurrection is a reminder that it's not about my ways, but it's all about God's ways.

Scrape...Scrape...

Winter is finally here in Ohio.

There was a prediction of a ton of snow and a huge snowstorm for Northern Ohio, but we never received it. Instead we received moderate snowfall common to Northern Ohio winters. Good. It gives drivers a chance to adjust to the new skills needed to drive in snow/ice. It also allows those who have never had a car during the winter months of Ohio to see exactly what they need to survive. One key item being a Snow Scraper.

Oh the glories of winter! Seeing your car encased in an igloo of snow is something that people in the Southern parts of the United States will never quite grasp. It's kind of funny. Sometimes I like to sit inside my car igloo and laugh about the suddenly private closet I have with the windows all covered in snow. It's also fun to sit in the car and watch as snow is being scraped off the car (by someone else) and pockets of light start to peek through the darkness. It's like suddenly seeing a brand new world revealed one scrape at a time.

Unfortunately, I don't get to see many of those "new world" revealing moments because I am usually the one scraping the snow off of the car. Don't feel bad for me. One of my favorite things to do in the wintertime is to scrape the snow (and ice) off of my car windows. I'm not joking. I find it kind of fun.

I think that scraping snow off your car is one of those activities tha fits every mood. If you are joyful and happy you may have fun swishing the snow and watching the small particles whip through the air as the windows start to become clear. If you are angry the scraping of ice becomes strangely satisfying as you grind it off of your car. If you are cold what better way to warm up than to scrape snow off of your car. Let's face it, the car heater won't warm you for at least ten minutes. The scraping exercise will get your blood pumping. If you're in a hurry...um...uh...you might just want to use the windshield wipers and drive a car igloo with eyes. Don't be surprised, though, to see others laughing at the strange site of your car. If you're in a humorous mood do what I usually do: wipe off all of the windows and the hood, but leave a Snow Afro on the top of the car. Depending on how high the snow is, this will also make other drivers laugh.

What a marvelous tool the Snow Scraper is! I praise the Lord for whoever invented it, and I praise Him for the fun that can be had using it.

Dead Man

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ~ Romans 7:18-19

This is me. Wanna find out why?

I am sick of people! I wish I lived in a world where everyone believed exactly what I believed and agreed with exactly what I agreed with. Period. Why do I say I love people and then in the next moment find myself really annoyed with them? Sometimes I just want to go away where no one can reach me so that I don't have to interact with others and face the heartaches, pains, and annoyances that they bring. Some of the people that I struggle to love the most are my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Why can't all Christians immediately be strong in their walk and desire for God? I also hate that I am not as strong a Christian as I would like to be simply because I haven't experienced enough of the things in life that God wants to take me through so that I can grow to that top spiritual maturity. I am not a patient person.

I really like the new Jars of Clay Song Dead Man (Carry Me). Sometimes I feel like I can really relate to the lyrics

I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But is was better than the party full of people I don't really know
They've got hearts to break and burn
Dirty hands to feel the earth
There's something in my veins,
But I can't seem to make it work... won't work

It seems like the closer you grow to the Lord the more you see the evil inside of you. I can't believe the wickedness that's inside my heart. So many sinful thoughts and desires... My sinfulness growing more apparent as I grow stronger in my love and understanding of the goodness of God.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ~ Romans 7:21-23

So Carry Me,
I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

What can I do when I feel this way, as I obviously do right now? I need to cling to Jesus. The One who sees my heart. The One who understands the struggles I go through. The One who sees the depths of my sinfulness and yet still offers love and forgiveness. The One who delights in shaping me into the true and whole servant of God that He desires me to be.

Can you find a beat inside of me?
Any pulse? Getting worse?
Any pulse? Getting worse?
Inside of me, can you find a beat?

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! ~ Romans 7:24-25

Good News: A Celebration of the Birth of the Savior

I'm directing the Christmas Program at my church. I'm seeing, feeling, and learning a lot of different things from this experience.

At church this morning I was forced to do something I'm not very comfortable doing. I had to stand in front of the congregation and ask for their help with the program. 200 pairs of eyes staring at you displaying no emotion is a little intimidating. Are they listening or day dreaming? (If it were me, I'd probably be doing the latter.) Do they understand what I'm asking? Do they care? Is that the look of interest or boredom on their faces? Now I see what pastors and teachers go through. I can only trust that God accomplished what He wanted to accomplish by forcing me to stand before that crowd.

All the time I was at church I felt excited and calm about the Christmas program. The Lord was bringing people to be a part of it, the kids were doing well with their music, roles were almost totally filled. "I guess I'm on schedule." But once I got home fear took over. "I'm not motivated to do this." "This is too difficult." "Why can't someone else handle the program?" "I'm so far behind on what needs to be done."" I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this!" Why did my emotions suddenly change? At church I'm calm. At home I panic. And yet, I feel like God has got this in control. But is there a detail I'm missing...

I miss my days in college when I directed plays and was sure of what I was doing. When I had visions and dreams that were not easily shattered by the lack of enthusiasm in others. When I actually had a production team to share the load. Why have I changed?...Have I changed?

I fear that many Christians do not truly understand what it is to put your neck out on the line for the Lord. To put yourself out there in a way that could possibly break you. I know that the Lord is the one truly directing this program. That's what makes it hard, because sometimes His ideas and my ideas conflict. And then I have to let go of my plans and follow His. The trouble is He only shows me His plans step by step, while I have everything planned out, right to the standing ovation at the end.

That's O.K though. As long as I realize God is really the one directing the program I can readily let go of my suggestions each time He shows me His.

Merry Christmas...early.

Conversations

What do you do when you've had a blah conversation with someone?

Do you run after them or call them back and start all over again?

Do you sit and imagine a better conversation between the two of you in your head?

Do you decide to never speak to the person again, thus eliminating the chance of another blah conversation?

Do you try to convince yourself that it wasn't that bad?

I hate blah conversations.
You feel like you're speaking every cliche in the book. You feel like you are just spitting out words with no control over what they are and knowing that they will not be absorbed but just blown away with the wind. You feel like your mouth is saying one thing but your heart and your mind are saying another.

Where's the fine line between being polite and just contributing to a blah conversation? This is why it's hard to meet new people. Because every conversation with a new person starts out blah. Then most of the time it never goes deeper. Say you do go deeper. Now you know the person's name and interests and maybe a personal value. You feel closer, comfortable, like a friend; so you stop there. All your conversations are comfortable and surfacy. In my book that's still blah.

It's like the age old phrase, "How are you doing today?" or "How's your day been?" Most of the time people don't really care. You know it and they know it so you give a blah answer like "fine" or "good." And they accept it. Never mind that if the conversation went deeper they may hear the joys and thrills of your day or the despairs and struggles of your day. That's too uncomfortable (hearing either the good or the bad).

I do it too.

"How's your day?"
I don't really want to know and I don't really want to share.
So I find myself having blah conversations, which I hate.

Then again...
You can't have no conversation with people. If the only conversation you plan to have with people is a deep and fulfilling one, there won't be many opportunities to speak much. Which comes across as stand-offish and unloving. So we have the blah conversations while we sort out who to go deep with.


So what do you do when you've had a blah conversation with someone you want to go deep with?

You run after them or call them back and start all over again.

I think I'll try this.

Trust - Part 2

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust.

Trusting the Lord is sometimes difficult. Especially when you can't lean on your own understanding.

So I started a fast this week. I am fasting for 40 days from takeout/fast food. That means no Wendy's, Burger King, Subway, Chipotle, Brueggars Bagels, etc. Why am I doing this fast? I don't know. There's no specific item I am fasting about. I guess I just want to see how God will work as I make this sacrifice for Him. I know He's gonna teach me about trust. He's already started.

Two times earlier this year I did a 24hr no food fast. I did it as a means of praying for Tetelestai. I should have learned from those times that sometimes when you fast difficult situations arise. Both of the times that I did the fast for Tetelestai something happened in my life that stretched me as a Christian. Uncomfortable and difficult situations. Now, would these situations have come had I not done the fast? Most likely. But my response to them might have been very different. I believe that fasting can draw you closer to the Lord; to fellowshiping and communicating with Him. My fasting helped me to have strength from the Lord when those difficult situations came.

Today? My fast is helping me to trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. It's hard. It's good. I'm glad I'm doing it.