Good News: A Celebration of the Birth of the Savior

I'm directing the Christmas Program at my church. I'm seeing, feeling, and learning a lot of different things from this experience.

At church this morning I was forced to do something I'm not very comfortable doing. I had to stand in front of the congregation and ask for their help with the program. 200 pairs of eyes staring at you displaying no emotion is a little intimidating. Are they listening or day dreaming? (If it were me, I'd probably be doing the latter.) Do they understand what I'm asking? Do they care? Is that the look of interest or boredom on their faces? Now I see what pastors and teachers go through. I can only trust that God accomplished what He wanted to accomplish by forcing me to stand before that crowd.

All the time I was at church I felt excited and calm about the Christmas program. The Lord was bringing people to be a part of it, the kids were doing well with their music, roles were almost totally filled. "I guess I'm on schedule." But once I got home fear took over. "I'm not motivated to do this." "This is too difficult." "Why can't someone else handle the program?" "I'm so far behind on what needs to be done."" I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this!" Why did my emotions suddenly change? At church I'm calm. At home I panic. And yet, I feel like God has got this in control. But is there a detail I'm missing...

I miss my days in college when I directed plays and was sure of what I was doing. When I had visions and dreams that were not easily shattered by the lack of enthusiasm in others. When I actually had a production team to share the load. Why have I changed?...Have I changed?

I fear that many Christians do not truly understand what it is to put your neck out on the line for the Lord. To put yourself out there in a way that could possibly break you. I know that the Lord is the one truly directing this program. That's what makes it hard, because sometimes His ideas and my ideas conflict. And then I have to let go of my plans and follow His. The trouble is He only shows me His plans step by step, while I have everything planned out, right to the standing ovation at the end.

That's O.K though. As long as I realize God is really the one directing the program I can readily let go of my suggestions each time He shows me His.

Merry Christmas...early.

Conversations

What do you do when you've had a blah conversation with someone?

Do you run after them or call them back and start all over again?

Do you sit and imagine a better conversation between the two of you in your head?

Do you decide to never speak to the person again, thus eliminating the chance of another blah conversation?

Do you try to convince yourself that it wasn't that bad?

I hate blah conversations.
You feel like you're speaking every cliche in the book. You feel like you are just spitting out words with no control over what they are and knowing that they will not be absorbed but just blown away with the wind. You feel like your mouth is saying one thing but your heart and your mind are saying another.

Where's the fine line between being polite and just contributing to a blah conversation? This is why it's hard to meet new people. Because every conversation with a new person starts out blah. Then most of the time it never goes deeper. Say you do go deeper. Now you know the person's name and interests and maybe a personal value. You feel closer, comfortable, like a friend; so you stop there. All your conversations are comfortable and surfacy. In my book that's still blah.

It's like the age old phrase, "How are you doing today?" or "How's your day been?" Most of the time people don't really care. You know it and they know it so you give a blah answer like "fine" or "good." And they accept it. Never mind that if the conversation went deeper they may hear the joys and thrills of your day or the despairs and struggles of your day. That's too uncomfortable (hearing either the good or the bad).

I do it too.

"How's your day?"
I don't really want to know and I don't really want to share.
So I find myself having blah conversations, which I hate.

Then again...
You can't have no conversation with people. If the only conversation you plan to have with people is a deep and fulfilling one, there won't be many opportunities to speak much. Which comes across as stand-offish and unloving. So we have the blah conversations while we sort out who to go deep with.


So what do you do when you've had a blah conversation with someone you want to go deep with?

You run after them or call them back and start all over again.

I think I'll try this.

Trust - Part 2

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust.

Trusting the Lord is sometimes difficult. Especially when you can't lean on your own understanding.

So I started a fast this week. I am fasting for 40 days from takeout/fast food. That means no Wendy's, Burger King, Subway, Chipotle, Brueggars Bagels, etc. Why am I doing this fast? I don't know. There's no specific item I am fasting about. I guess I just want to see how God will work as I make this sacrifice for Him. I know He's gonna teach me about trust. He's already started.

Two times earlier this year I did a 24hr no food fast. I did it as a means of praying for Tetelestai. I should have learned from those times that sometimes when you fast difficult situations arise. Both of the times that I did the fast for Tetelestai something happened in my life that stretched me as a Christian. Uncomfortable and difficult situations. Now, would these situations have come had I not done the fast? Most likely. But my response to them might have been very different. I believe that fasting can draw you closer to the Lord; to fellowshiping and communicating with Him. My fasting helped me to have strength from the Lord when those difficult situations came.

Today? My fast is helping me to trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. It's hard. It's good. I'm glad I'm doing it.

There's This Guy...

I normally hate when people write about their relationships on their blogs because they're all mushy (or angry) and nobody cares besides them and the person they are dating, but...I'm going to do it today.

There's this guy, his name is Shawn, and I really like him a lot. We're dating. The coolest part about this is that God orchestrated the whole thing. Better Him than me.

I met Shawn while I was a part of the cast of Tetelestai (a christian musical about Jesus' death and resurrection). We've known each other since January. Our friendship started to blossom through that period of performing and continued to grow after the play was done. Then, after a lot of prayer and seeking the Lord's will, we started a relationship. Shawn is such a godly man. I can't believe I'm dating him!

The interesting thing is that I have never dated before. This is a first for me. In High School I didn't want to date. In College I didn't have time to date. And after College I wasn't desperate to date, I enjoyed the Single life while I waited for God to handle all the dating plans. And now He's brought Shawn into my life. I can't wait to see what the Lord will do in our relationship. Somehow I know that His glory will be the end result.

Change

Why does everything have to change?

I just found out today that a friend of mine is moving away. Not that far but still far enough.

Leaves change. Seasons change.

Another friend of mine is in town from Denver. I'm still adjusting to her move which happened two years ago.

Most of my college friends are all over the world. Some are married, some are engaged, some have kids, some are single.

My guy is moving to Florida soon.

Family members are all over the country.

I'm moving in six months out of the U.S.

Change is good. I hate change.

I guess I need a change of attitude.


God is constant.