Prodigal

Music really speaks to me. That's why you'll see me occasionally post quotes or lyrics from songs in my blogs. I go through phases of liking different musicians or songs. My favorite group for this week is One Republic, christians who make music in the secular music industry. It's funny how when you're a christian even when your lyrics are not talking specifically about Jesus they have a biblical world view. Music is written from the heart and the Holy Spirit, if it's part of that heart, has an influence.

The song that is on my heart today is One Republic's song Prodigal. In the book of Luke in the Bible Jesus tells a parable about the lost (or prodigal) son. This son takes all of his inheritance early from his rich father and says "see ya!" He then heads to a far away land and spends all his money on living a wild life. When the money's gone he's forced to beg for work and ends up working one of the lowest jobs possible, feeding and taking care of pigs in their pens. He's in so bad a shape that he envies the food that the pigs receive desiring to eat even slop over starving. "When he came to his senses" he decided to go home to his father, ask for forgiveness, and beg to be hired as a servant since he wasn't worthy to be his father's son. But when he returned home his father welcomed him with open arms and even threw a huge feast to celebrate the fact that his son who was "dead" is now "alive." He was "lost" but now he's "found!"

That's the basic story. Now look at the lyrics to this song:

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me.

Every time I'd heard the parable of the lost son I'd never thought of myself as that prodigal son. I mean I've never flat out walked away from the Lord and then indulged in living a sinful life only to return to God when I had nowhere else to turn. But recently I've realized that every time I turn my back on the Lord to commit a sin (no matter how great or small) I'm being that prodigal son. Not only that, but there are times when I've tried to do things my way, and it was only when I fell flat on my face that I finally turned back to the Lord for forgiveness and to seek His guidance. That sounds a lot like the prodigal son.

We say "goodbye," I turn my back

Run away, run away, so predictable

Not far from here, you see me crack

Like a bone, like a bone, I'm so breakable

I take everything from you

But you'll take anything, won't you?

And the sad thing is that when I "run away" from the Lord I know that wherever I run He's already there.

I'm on the road to who knows where

Look ahead, not behind, I keep sayin'

There's no place to go where you're not there

On your rope, I hold tight, but it's frayin'

And I take everything from you

But you'll take anything, won't you?

And to further make matters worse, Satan convinces me that once I go against the Lord He won't possibly take me back as His precious and loved daughter. So I become ashamed. And in my shame I don't run back to the Lord even though I know I need Him. In my heart I shout:

"Don't you you wait for me, don't you wait for me"

"So ashamed , so ashamed"

...."but I need you so"

When I inevitably mess up and turn away from the Lord I need to remember that, like the father with his prodigal son, God will always welcome me back with open arms....

And you wait for me, and you wait for me.

...because Jesus told this parable to remind us of His love for us. And He died on the cross so our sins would hold no power over us. They were already forgiven before we even committed them. So why should I hesitate to immediately run back to my Heavenly Father when his love for me was established before I was even capable of doing right in His eyes.

I don't know if the song Prodigal is referring to a prodigal person with God or with another person but it's effective in it's message, and the Holy Spirit influence is present, and that's what touched my heart.

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me.

Breathing

"I have no fear of drowning it's the breathing that's taking all this work."

~ Jars of Clay Work

Work. These past few weeks just breathing, living life, has been work. Yes, Jesus is wonderful but that doesn't necessarily mean living life will be easy. Here's a summary of my world during the past few weeks:

- A few weeks ago I opened at Starbucks at 5:15am. When I finished work at 11am and returned to my car there was a huge rock in the backseat, glass everywhere, and a huge hole where my rear driver side window used to be. Someone had broken into my car. Thankfully I never carry much in my car so all they got was some spare change for meters and a fold-up butterfly chair. They also attempted to steal the car but only managed to jam the ignition. So I guess over all they went away disappointed. I, on the other hand, was shocked and frustrated. I spent the rest of that day talking to my insurance company, the autobody shop, and a car rental agency. Oh the joys of working downtown.

- A couple days after the car break-in I went on a trip with my dad and sister down to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew in South Carolina. While I definitely enjoyed the trip my funds were severely limited due to the deductible I had to pay on my damaged car. It was added stress that kept nagging me the whole time I was down South.

- Upon returning home I discovered that a monthly payment that I set up to be automatically taken out of my account was taken out of the wrong account (my Mom's). I've been talking with the company for a couple weeks now to get that sorted out. It gets confusing when you talk with a different person every time you call (and the one person you're trying to reach is never available).

- Work has been good and bad. Sometimes my co-workers annoy me with their different ways of doing things. It's like I have to figure out how to do certain things depending on whoever's in charge at the moment. And conversations aren't always the most appropriate. A few days ago I almost had a meltdown because our Area Manager was visiting the store all day and all the experienced workers were telling me new things to do only when the Area Manager was around. I was annoyed. Why don't we do things the "proper" way all the time?

- This morning I was mourning the loss of a friend. They didn't die or anything like that but our friendship is over nonetheless. When I was in New Zealand it was easier to ignore this loss, but now that I'm back in the States it's more in my face. I asked the Lord why it had to be this way? I don't know the answer. I know He'll help me deal with this, but it's still...work.

"I have no fear of drowning it's the breathing that's taking all this work."