From the Journal of Tiana Elise

This weekend I went on a road trip with Tetelestai to Virginia. It's was gruelling but fun. Here's a glimpse into my weekend (and my journal).

...9:00am, met at the bus station. There seemed to be an unusually large number of people dressed in T-shirts and sweat pants. Um...did I miss the memo? Never one to miss an opportunity to put my foot in my mouth I said,"Why in the world are you dressed alike?!" The reply, "Sweats are more comfortable than jeans to wear on a bus." Me: "Oh." I looked down at the most comfortable thing I thought of to wear on the bus...jeans. Now I need to stop here and say I hate sweat pants. I abhor them. Never have I ever seen them look good on anybody. The only time I've ever ventured to wear them in public was when I went to work out in the safe confines of the community Rec Center. I've never actually bought sweats. Those are gifts given by distant relatives. So here I was on a bus with a group of people dressed in an entirely unflattering style of pants. I looked down at my chic jeans and shrugged. It was one of the most comfortable 7 hour bus rides I've ever had.

On the bus many things were going on around me. I didn't really notice them. Headphones and an interesting book are a great way to pass the time on a long bus ride. I think my years of riding the greyhound bus to and from college have helped me master the art of ignoring everyone around me.

Let me interject the lyrics of a song that describes my feelings at this moment in time:

Reliant K, Who I Am Hates Who I've Been-

I talk to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself
I know that the things bottled inside
Have finally began to create
So much pressure that I'll blow up and
I heard the reverberating footsteps
Sneaking up to the beating of my heart
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together I would watch me fall apart

And I can't let that happen again
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life


...It rained in Ohio. It rained in Pennsylvania. It rained in Maryland. Stopped in D.C. And the sun actually came out in Virginia.

I'm sorry for the person I've became

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change

I ready to join every common way again

Cause who I am hates who I've been

Who I am hates who I've been

...The first night the church fed us dinner. Then it was on to putting on make-up and costumes in a very tiny dressing room that doubled as the make-up room. The space was...tight...so I decided to go somewhere else to do my make-up. First I tried outside, but it quickly became cloudy and began to rain. After wandering around the building for a bit I finally decided to park myself on the cold hallway floor. This led to others joining this curious but spacious make-up area. Hey, I started a fad! The performance was awesome despite a small audience.

...The next day was gruelling. We did two performances in one day. Highlights from that day:

Praise and worship was amazing. God slowly opened my heart to worship Him instead of thinking about all the other distractions in my life. By the end of the day I stood and praised the Lord with a heart focused only on Him. I even stayed during part of the Second Act and sang some of my favorite praise songs with Heather until it was time to go on stage.

One of my favorite praise songs is Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman:

Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your Name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your Name

...My intermission talk was even more full of the Gospel message. Since I didn't have to promote the audition notices and church requests I had time to explain to the audience the meaning of the word Tetelestai in relation to God's love and His work on the cross for us. The word is Greek for "It is finished" or "Paid in full."

Clean up/Tech out was crazy. We did it after our final performance on Saturday night. My Aunt came to see the show that night so I talked so long with her that I missed out on my job of lighting and sound, aka, wrapping cords. Since I missed that incredibly fabulous job (not) I began helping stack chairs on a chair rack. A relatively simple job a person would think. Simple? I think not. In the process of an hour we hung, rehung, and rehung again 6 chair racks. we just could not get them to fit properly on the rack and then through the door, etc. The process was so frustrating that you just had to laugh by the end of it. Well, at least I did.

...My final experience from Virginia was church I went to service at the Methodist Church with my host family. The preacher spoke to us about the passage Isaiah 43:16-21. God spoke of doing a "new thing" in Israel. (Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! ~ Isaiah 43:18-19) The preacher compared this to what God may be doing in our life right now. Especially when there are hard things happening and changes happening. Wham! God was speaking directly to me. He's doing "new things" in my life, and he's doing it so that I may "proclaim His praise." It's comforting when God speaks so clearly to me. So the weekend was eventful and good, leaving me praising and giving glory to God.

I have one final song to share. It spoke directly to me this weekend as I rode the bus. God's creation of nature has always stirred something deep inside my heart that automatically draws me closer to Him. This song captures the feelings I want to express to Him whenever I am surround by the beauty of His creation:

The David Crowder Band, Stars -

You should see the stars tonight

How they shimmer shine so bright

Against the black they look so white

Coming down from such a height

To reach me now, You reach me now

You should see the moon in flight

Cutting 'cross the misty night

Softly dancing in sunshine

Reflections of it's light

Reach me now, You reach me now

And how could such a thing

Shine its light on me

And make everything beautiful again

You should feel the sun in spring

Coming out after a rain

Suddenly all is green

Sunshine on every thing

I can feel it now, I feel You now

You should hear the angels sing

All gathered 'round their King

More beautiful than you could dream

I've been quietly listening

You can hear them now, I hear them now

And how could such a King

Shine His light on me

And make everything beautiful again

I want to shine, I want to be light

I want to tell you it'll be alright

And I want to shine, and I want to fly

Just to tell you now, it'll be alright

It'll be alright

'Cause I've got nothing of my own to give you

But this light that shines on me, shines on you

And makes everything beautiful again

It'll be alright

Again

No More Salty Tears

God has just taken something out of my life that was the source of many tears.

It was a thorn in my side that I didn't realize was there until it was removed.

This thing was like a rose, which I picked up to smell its wonderful fragrance and admire its glorious beauty. But as I embraced the rose a thorn from it's stem was lodged into my side. The initial prick was painful. I shed my first tears, but did not understand what caused them. As the thorn lodged deeper in me I experienced other moments of pain. It would hurt, I would cry, and then the pain would disappear only to return at times when I least expected it. The tears were so frequent and numerous that I began to know the feel of their warmth on my checks and their salty taste on my lips. At times I pleaded with the Lord to remove this pain because I did not know what caused it. Then suddenly, in His grace and mercy, He pulled the thorn from my side and revealed it to me. The initial pain from that removal was worse than any prick I experienced from the thorn. But the Lord has shown me that when any harmful object has been lodged in the body the worst pain is the removal, but as the wound heals the pain diminishes until it is no more. And when the pain is gone I will be a whole person again.

No longer do I live in fear of the reoccurring prick of the thorn. No more is it the cause of salty tears.

Thank you Jesus. My comforter and my healer.

so i read this book...

so i read this book. actually i read it twice. actually i read two books. twice.

it's called for women only. well, a book with a title like that sparked my interest. what could one-half of the entire adult population on earth possibly need to know? well i read it. it turns out women definitely need to know this information. it's a book about men. o.k. i bet that half of the women reading this blog just zoned out. the other half are sitting on the edge of their seats. and all the men reading this blog are currently rolling their eyes.

in the past i would have been one of the women who zoned out. i have two brothers and a dad. i should know all about men, right? WRONG!

it turns out that everything i thought i knew about the actions and behaviors of my male family members were rationalized through the mind of a woman. what this means is that many times i thought my brothers or dad did things or behaved in certain ways because of one thing, but really it was because of a completely different reason all together.

how can i explain this book?
it's a survey of men. the writer of the book, shaunti feldhahn, interviewed hundreds of men (christian & non-christian, single & married, old & young) about things like the desire for respect, self-esteem issues, a man's need to provide, romance, & the visual aspect of a man's mind. the surveys revealed what a majority of men thought or felt about these issues. it is a look into the minds of men.

let me tell you, reading the book for the first time was a little hard to swallow. i could not understand the answers that men gave about what mattered to them most. my mind just did not think that way. some of their answers seemed completely opposite to how i was. i next felt overwhelmed because i thought, "how can i ever respond to the men in my life in a way that is uplifting to them when that way seems so foreign or opposite of what i would normally do?" then, a few weeks later, i read the book again. it was a little easier to swallow once i had time to process what i learned earlier, and once i was able to observe the men in my life and apply some of the things i learned. (by apply, i do not mean i treated men like lab rats, observing their reactions to various tests, what i mean is that i wanted to encourage and uplift the men in my life and show them how much i appreciated them. the book gave me a means of doing that in a way that they understood more clearly.)

o.k. i bet you're wondering about the second book i read. well, it's actually the companion to for women only it's called for men only by jeff feldhahn (shaunti's husband). you can't be surprised that i read this book. twice. of course a book for men about women i had to check out! you know, i needed to make sure that what he (and the hundreds of women he interviewed) were saying was true. so i read that book and it hit me in another way. i realized that growing up as a female i was told about the different physical aspects of the female body but i never was really told about how the female mind works. i guess it was something we women were supposed to instinctively know. and to an extent that's true. but when i read for men only, the book actually pinpointed common female traits. it kind of confirmed to me that i was pretty much a normal female. it talked of things like insecurity in relationships, the runnings of the female mind, the desire for security (here's a hint guys: it's actually not about money), the need to express feelings about a problem, & self-esteem in connection with feeling loved.

both of these books opened my eyes to how truly different men and women are. at first they left me confused, but then after further reflection i realized how amazing god is that he created two types of humans that compliment each other. it really is strange that men and women are in some ways almost opposite of each other in their thinking. i think these opposites help to humble us because both men and women are needed in the world to create a good dynamic. you can't have one without the other. we need each other. god knows this.

these books have opened my eyes in a way that am still processing but am excited to know and apply. if you're confused (or curious) about the inner live of men or women i strongly encourage you to check out for women only and for men only. the funny thing is that a lot of this information we just assume the opposite sex already knows about us when in actuality they really have NO CLUE!

Alexander Izaak Gabriel

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

He's only a few days old.


Alex with Mama. Safe in the arms of love.


Proud Papa. I can't believe my brother's a daddy!


Awww. He's asleep.


Babies are so cute in their onezees.