Sometimes life can be really boring. Well, actually, parts of life can be really boring. It's during those times of boredom when the voice of God can sometimes be difficult to hear.
I have a job. I work from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday. I work as a receptionist for a company that specializes in road repair. My job is incredibly boring. The work is not very stimulating, and as hard as I try to convince myself that I care about road repair - I really don't. Actually, to be truthful, not only do I care little for road repair but I also care little for office work. Every morning is a battle for me to get out of bed because I'm not excited about my job. Every evening I come home tired and frustrated because I'm not excited about my job. I feel like all my energy is being drained working at this unfulfilling job.
I'm finding that it is in the boring, monotonous times of my job that I have trouble hearing the voice of the Lord. I sit at my desk typing some data entry work and question if I'm really doing what the Lord wants me to do. I ask Him how long do I have to work at this "temp" job and all I get as an answer is that the temp assignment is indefinite. The prospect of working at this company for my whole time in New Zealand is frightening. Is this a blessing? Am I being ungrateful? Or am I quenching the desires of my heart that have been given by God by staying at this job. I get paid really well, and there is stability in having the same job my whole time in New Zealand, but...
I hate coming home tired. Drained. I have to admit that I haven't written a blog in a long time because, well, I haven't had the time or energy. Also, this is really impacting my enjoyment of NZ. I attend a young adult Bible study with my church on Tuesdays and feel too tired to truly enjoy the fellowship and great teaching. Last weekend Cara and I drove out to Raglan on the West Coast of New Zealand to enjoy the black sand beach. Watching the sun set was great, but my experience was tinted with weariness from working my 40 hour a week monotonous job. I never felt this tired when I worked full-time as a church secretary at home, but here in New Zealand my job is leaving me with no energy. Which is amazing to me since I spend most of my time doing monotonous stuff at work. I really have no idea what the Lord is doing.
I'm sorry this blog is full of depressing stuff. Life here isn't all bad. Cara and I are house-sitting for a family at our church and it has been wonderful to have a house to live in for a few weeks. Last week we also went to see the fifth Harry Potter movie at the movie theater which was an enjoyable experience all around. The seats were large and comfortable (like sitting in an easy chair at home...no kidding) . The seats were also assigned seating. What?! We sat in row L seats 11 & 12 and laughed about the situation. There's something not natural about assigned seating in a movie theater. Also, New Zealand continues to be beautiful. The sun rises, the rainbows, the hilly countryside. Winter is almost over. The weather is getting warmer (almost as warm as when we first arrived in May) and the days are getting longer. This has got to be one of the shortest Winters I've ever experienced. Yay! See life isn't all rough here in NZ.
I know God is working and sometimes I have to remind myself to stop and think about His blessings to me and to others to realize that He's present. But still, it's difficult to see Him in the monotonous moments of life.
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1 comment:
Dear Tiana and Cara,
"This too shall pass" - and so it will - in God's good time. Suffice it to know that there is purpose in this plan of God's. I could cite some possible examples, but why try to outguess God? You wrote about so many graces and blessings that you have there - a great place to live, the beauty of the world around you, the lovely weather... Focus on these things and you will find some of the answers you seek.
As I grow older, I have learned to change my attitude and, strangely enough, the world seems to be a better place since I did. Hmmmmm? A lesson to be learned there? Anyway, every morning when I get up, I say my own short prayer. It goes something like this: Thank you God for all the blessings in my life - those of which I am aware and those of which I have no clue.
That last part is because I never know when the pokey driver in front of me may actually be saving me from an accident up the road (or when an uninteresting, boring job is preparing me for something else, leading me to something better, or using me as an example to someone else of how to keep going when I really don't feel like it.)
Whatever God's reason, you will survive and be better for this experience. Know that there are so many of us back here who are praying for you, holding you in our hearts and wishing you well.
In God's light, be at peace.
In God's eyes, be a servant.
In God's wisdom, accept His purpose.
With much love and more prayers and many, many blessings and smiles..
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